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About

In this powerful episode of the Resilient Pastor podcast, host David Kinnaman sits down with Sharon Hodde Miller, teaching pastor at Bright City Church and author of the upcoming book The Cost of Control. They explore the deep roots of pastoral stress and anxiety, the dangerous craving for control, and the liberating power God actually promises. From the unique challenges of church planting during a pandemic to the relational pain of political division, Sharon offers honest vulnerability and biblical insight on why the pursuit of control fuels anxiety and how surrendering to God’s sovereignty brings true peace and agency.

Perfect for pastors and ministry leaders wrestling with burnout, isolation, and the pressure to fix everything, this conversation delivers practical wisdom on differentiation, healthy leadership, and finding freedom from the illusion of control.

Key Takeaways

• The constant pursuit of control over things we cannot manage creates anxiety and damages relationships.
• Pastors often experience both existential threats to their ministry and deep relational pain from congregational rejection during polarizing seasons.
• Differentiation and delegating people’s anxiety back to them (instead of trying to fix it) is essential for sustainable leadership.
• God does not give us control — He gives us agency, the Holy Spirit, and the call to bring order out of chaos.
• Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit; gripping God instead of circumstances is the antidote to anxiety.
• Using theology, prayer, or spiritual disciplines as tools for control is both unbiblical and ultimately cruel.
• Healthy order and second-order decisions reflect God’s image and reduce unnecessary chaos without grasping for control.

Highlights

• “Anytime you try to control something that God has not given you to control, it always comes with a cost.”
• “We are often taught that control is bad… but the better question is: What is the cost of continuing on this path?”
• “God doesn’t give us control, but He does give us agency.”
• “I have created you with a very firm grip — but you’re holding on to the wrong thing. Grip Me.”
• “A big part of discipleship is delegating people’s anxiety back to them.”
• “When we are weak, then He is strong — and that pain can be transformed into ministry as wounded healers.”

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