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About

In this heartfelt episode of the Barna Resilient Pastor podcast, hosts Sharon Miller, Rich Villodas, and Glenn Packiam sit down with Tyler and Kirsten Staton—lead pastor of Bridgetown Church in Portland and his wife—to explore the real challenges and joys of marriage in pastoral ministry. From supermarket pet peeves and impulse buys to deep conversations about vulnerability, suffering, self-pity, and spiritual connection, this episode offers practical wisdom for pastors and spouses seeking to stay emotionally and spiritually connected amid the pressures of ministry, transitions, cancer battles, and family life.

Drawing on Barna research revealing that only 53% of pastors feel their spouse truly understands their ministry struggles, Tyler and Kirsten share transparent insights on communication, fear-sharing, prayer, and remaining faithful companions through seasons of uncertainty.

Key Takeaways

• Only 53% of pastors feel their spouse truly understands the unique struggles of ministry, highlighting a widespread disconnection many couples face.
• Self-pity and keeping score in marriage are destructive; instead, pastors should aim to give more than they take and help their spouse truly see them without weaponizing their struggles.
• Creating safety for vulnerability is essential—listening to fears without immediately trying to fix or absolve them builds deeper connection.
• Simple, consistent practices like walking together, understanding each other’s personality and “altitude” in conversation, and being fully present matter more than grand gestures.
• In suffering and unpredictability, the greatest gift is faithfulness and stability—being a consistent, calm companion who stays present.
• Praying together doesn’t have to look the same for every couple. Some thrive with short, consistent prayers (even 15 seconds) at key seasons rather than forced daily routines.
• Celebrate and defer to your spouse’s unique spiritual gifts instead of centering only the pastor’s public gifting.

Highlights

• “Self-pity is a sign that I’m not doing very well.” – Glenn Packiam
• “Never keep score in your relationships. Give more than you take. That’s called love.” – Glenn, reflecting on Scott Galloway’s insight
• “I can’t remove your fears, but I can be safe for you to process those things with.” – Tyler Staton
• “We have to get on our knees at the foot of our bed every day and ask Jesus for help.” – Kirsten Staton, during a season of built-up resentment
• “The powerful thing a doula provides in labor is stability, consistency, and familiarity… I think that’s the best gift we can give to one another.” – Tyler Staton
• “I’m seeing what the Father is doing in my home at 10:30 when Kirsten shares something… become attuned right now.” – Tyler on being present
• “You do you. You’re great at this. I’m not giving you any pressure.” – Kirsten on the freedom Tyler gave her in their marriage and ministry

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